We took D out of public school after Kindergarten for a few different reasons, and I decided to take on homeschooling him while I was 8 months pregnant. Perfect time to learn a new trade, right? The thought of it was overly exciting, but massively overwhelming. Where do I start? Where do I ever begin to find out what to do for schooling my child on my own? It was scary. It looks so hard. It FELT so hard. Homeschooling with a newborn baby who needed me every minute of the day? How does that even work? I didn't think I would be able to. But I pushed through and I figured it out because I had motives to go for it anyways. I was not born with the skills to homeschool or teach my child at home. But I continue to learn from my mistakes and find what works for our family. "I'm not smart enough." "This is too hard!" "I am not cut out for that." "I can't do this." "I'm never going to figure this out." Does any of that sound familiar? I've been hearing these phrases on repeat for the last few years from my sweet D. Anytime something new or challenging comes along, it's negative and fearful comments spewing from the lips of my oldest son. My son who's loving, sensitive, kind, goofy, crowd pleasing, and extremely smart. Things that all the other children so excitingly love, he doesn't want to even try because he thinks he is going to fail. However, if you give him the controller to play Rayman, a stack of books to read in an hour, or the vacuum, and he'll rock all of those things. (The vacuuming I am especially grateful for!) These are two different mindsets: Growth & Fixed. (I don't think that I have to tell you which one is which.) The concept of a growth mindset was developed by psychologist Carol Dweck and popularized in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Over the recent years, many people have taken these theories and applied them to children in classrooms settings as well as home. Dweck observed these two mindsets, stating:
For me, learning about this concept was a real eye opener in understanding my son's mindset. My bright and smart son is living in the fixed mindset. There's a cloud hanging around him, a fog blocking his ability to see his potential for growth. As a mother, it's so easy for me to see how amazing and talented my little men are. I see that they can go far and they can create amazing opportunities for themselves if they try without giving up. But to help them see that for themselves takes patience. It takes telling them everyday that they can do it, that they are smart, that they don't need to be afraid, that God created them to grow and that He's with them every single step of the way. My heart is for them. My prayers are for them. This last year has been a journey with D, struggling to get him to understand that he can move from the fixed mindset into the growth mindset. We've had progress, and we've had setbacks. My husband and I have had countless hours discussing how to help him, how we can deal with the frustration of seeing him give up on things so easily, and how we can help him deal with his own frustrations and fears. After looking into what growth and fixed mindsets are, I took to the place that I have found the best resources for kid's activities: Pinterest! Duh. I immediately found print out sheets, poster downloads, activities, and advice links. I got ideas for little worksheets, color pages, and used some basic knowledge to come up with a beginning of a plan to teach D about these mindsets. First off, I got out our trusty white board, drew a line down the middle. On one side, I wrote "Growth Mindset", and the other I wrote "Fixed Mindset". Since this was for D when he just turned 6, I simplified it for him to grasp the concept. Under the "Growth" column I wrote: "the belief that we are able to work hard and get smarter than you are right now." Under the "Fixed" column I wrote: "the belief that you are born the way you are and can never get smarter or do more than you are able to do right now." I explained it like this: "D, a mindset is how we think and how see ourselves. There are two kinds of mindsets. When you are in a growth mindset, you think that you can do it. You think that you can get better. You think that you are able to learn more and grow. You try again and again, even when you mess up or think it's too hard. When you are in a fixed mindset, you think that you are stuck. You think that you can't do it. You think that you will not be smarter. You think that things are too hard and you give up without trying again." I wrote in each column phrases that each mindset may speak, such as the phrases written on the minds below: I then asked D to list some things that may go under either column, and I wrote them down. I explained it in even simpler terms: our minds are seeds. "What do we do with seeds?" "We plant them!" "Yes! What do we do after we plant them? How do they grow?" "You put water on them!" "Good job! Yes, we water them. Minds are like seeds, we need to water them. They need to grow and get bigger. When we water our minds with good things, what happens?" "We do good things and think good things and grow." "Yep, what would happen if we never watered our seeds?" "They wouldn't grow." "Mhm, if we never water our minds with good things, the seeds don't grow into healthy, strong trees. What do you want to be, a big strong tree, or a small seed that never grew?" "BIG TREE!!" A big, strong tree. I took this one step further and created a worksheet for him to fill out himself. It's safe to say that his mindset was fixed, because what came from his mouth when doing it was: "This is too hard, mom. I can't do this." So no opportunities went to waste, I asked him which mindset he was using right now. He confirmed it was a fixed mindset, and focused just enough to finish the worksheet. We then again did it this week, with much more readable handwriting. (Blank template available at very bottom of this blog for you to use.) If your child learns with visuals and videos help make things click, check out this video! This video is super cute, explains it easily to children, and takes only a couple minutes. This Youtube channel, ClassDojo, also has a few other videos like this on thoughtfulness, empathy, and perseverance. This video was played on repeat a few times, per D's request. It connected the dots for him after seeing the mindsets played out in front of him with two very likable characters. Each day we continue this journey to helping him grow and learn more than he thinks he is able to. Each day, we do struggle with him not wanting to try or giving up at the first taste of failure. This is where we are at. It may not be ideal, it may not be how I imagined my young man to grow up, but my husband and I keep going because D is worth it. His future as a healthy, brave, man is worth pursuing, and always will be. These have been simple ways that I've used in teaching D about the mindsets. There are so many more ways to help teach your child. Have any of these been helpful to you? Please feel free to drop a comment and tell me about things that have helped you or your child with mindsets! I would ask that you please don’t use them for commercial use, but for personal, noncommercial home use only, as I am not affiliated in anyway with the company that created Calvin and Hobbes. Thank you and enjoy! Thank you to the beautiful, smart, amazing people who read my blog and stop by my page! Now, let's put on our growth mindset hats and get to work on something hard, because we can do it if we keep trying! -Shelby Please feel free to use this template at home with your own child and share their own words: #HomeschoolingTheChiddlers ***Note: I do not own any rights to Calvin and Hobbes, ClassDojo, or any other affiliated companies that created any of the photos or graphics. I am not sponsored in anyway or asked to use any of their work. I am just a homeschooling mom who found great resources and wanted to share with you.
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